That night I danced like crazy, shaking my arms and moving my head to the electronic rhythm with my eyes closed to avoid the bright lights coming out of the stage as he carried me on his shoulders… And when the show ended he invited me to a fire with his friends near their tents so I went and some of my girlfriends went too.
There they were all partying out loud, singing, drinking and dancing but we were the only ones sitting right beside each other near the fire. I could see the shadows in his face and his hand intertwined with mine. We were talking about our lives, the music and the hype.
Suddenly he asked me about a band he was saying he didn’t like and I told him I did buy their vibe. For the first time I didn’t feel like lying. I was losing all my fears by his side. And he was surprised. He looked me in the eyes and asked “seriously, why?” I told him that I thought they were “cute and old style”. And that I liked old style. He seemed to analyze it while staring straight into my eyes and then he said “it’s true they’re old style and may be I’m starting to like it too”. I half-smiled and reply “are you by any chance implying I’m old style?” and he barely laugh while answering “I’m saying you can be really cute too”.
We stood in silence like for two seconds, smiling at each other, getting blushed cheeks and sweaty hands. And I knew that he knew that it was “the moment”. The moment when you feel like falling in love. The moment when you express that you have fallen in love. So I told him in a kind of whisper “Go on and kiss me, you fool”. And so he did.
And it was the best kiss so far. He went all the way. He kissed me with passion but carefully. His lips were gentle but strong. He started slow and suddenly went faster. He would change intensity and add cadence in that kiss. And after a few minutes when we both felt about to explode our mouths break off but our bodies still touched. He never drawn aside his gaze from mine and holding my hand he came near to my ear and asked “would you mind if we go somewhere else? My tent is nearby”.
A shiver ran through my body from my spine into my brain. It was a rush of excitement with a bit of concern but anyway I said “yes, let’s go”.
We stood up slowly, still holding hands, he didn’t even looked around as if he didn’t care about anybody else there than me. I tried to search for my girlfriends may be to tell them that I was leaving with him but nobody was looking at us, no one was even paying attention to the show. So we moved on to a quieter space.
We arrived to his tent. It was silent in that place. We could listen to the band that was playing outside but as if it was too far away. The lights were faint and there were few people around the camping space. We entered to his place, some bags, blue sheets and two pillows at the end. He sat in front of me and with his hands on my cheeks he started getting closer to me. Always measuring, paying attention and being careful until his mouth was jointed with mine. And then there was no turning back.
It was wild, we were young and we felt free. Everything seemed a cliché because it felt like a teenage dream. His lips were pressing my lips and his hands were wandering on me. Then my arms were tangled around his neck and his arms were around my waist. He pulled me closer to him as I tried to take off his shirt. After his hand found its way to my bra down my blouse he frantically took off his pants while I kept crumpling his hair between my fingers. He kept kissing every part of me at every second. He went from my mouth down my neck to my chest and beyond. He wouldn’t stop saying “you’re beautiful” and “I think I’m in love”. His hand went down my skirt, he pressed my tights and calves. He opened his eyes just to stare straight into mine or to say “you’re a goddess” while he hold me close. At moments we perceived the music in the distance and the lights of different colors but it just made everything more surreal.
We were almost getting down to it. He was only wearing boxers by now and the last thing left to take off from me was my lingerie. And he was just about to do it when I broke off. I distanced myself abruptly from him and with frightened eyes I stood staring at him. Even with his messy hair and his red neck he still looked as sexy as the first time I saw him or even sexier now if possible.
Afterwards all thoughts rushed into my brain at once. “He’s going to hate me” “I’m going to lose him” “He won’t accept this”. But anyway I wasn’t going to change my mind. I just met him. Fine, we were young, we were free but were we in love? I didn’t want to make a mistake. At first I thought that with him I wouldn’t mind to but it turned out that I did mind. I couldn’t do it just then with a stranger even if that stranger was as irresistible as he was. “So what I do now?” I thought still looking scared I bet.
Suddenly he lay back fully relaxed almost amused. He stared at me and half-smiled. Awkwardly I didn’t feel the need to cover myself up even when I didn’t know what was he thinking and even thought I still was just wearing my bra and my panties and he was still in front of me wearing only boxers. I felt kind of comfortable it seemed to me as a safe area but still I couldn’t find the words to say. Because what to say?
“We can go slower if you want” he finally said. And I couldn’t believe that! I was expecting all kind of rejection phrases but this. He was agreeing with my thoughts! And not only he read my mind but also my heart because just then he leaned on me, slowly and carefully as only he knew.
All at once his face was so close to mine that we were breathing the same air, his eyes fixed on mine and his hands again on my waist. “I like you. I really do. More than music or alternative groups.” And of course I laughed at the comparison but kept staring into his eyes. A deep green color and they were shining even in the dark. He smiled. Full smile this time and he almost laughed too but in-between his laugh and his smile he kissed me one more time. Hard and overwhelming as if he was stealing my soul through that kiss.
And then he hugged me. My hair falling down his chest. His arms around mine. Our bodies half naked melting at once. He kissed my neck and slowly my back. I wasn’t scared or even preoccupied. Because he wasn’t planning to change my mind and I knew it by the way he acted. He was holding me close as if he never wanted to let go and all along we lie down together.
We lie down facing each other under the blue sheets to the head. His fingers brushed my hair and his gaze drilled my eyes. We got as closer to each other as we could. Until our noses touched and our bodies shared heat. He kissed me. Short kisses this time. Lips mainly. Long periods. He would also kissed my forehead and the corner of my mouth leaving me wanting more or just wanting him not to stop.
And while listening absentminded to indie rock music far-off, while being kissed by his lips and while feeling his breath on my skin I fell asleep…