2016* Ruby

It’s all about the meaning now.

Maybe I started writing this blog a few years ago because of one person. Maybe an artist. Maybe a crush. Maybe not. However what it’s clear to me now is that no person will ever make me stop. Not you. Not me.

They say “new year, new me” well I’m kind of more like hoping “old me” because I used to write a hell lot more before! For instance I remember 5 years ago I was writing a novel that got 200 pages long but didn’t get an ending… or at least I haven’t still ended it.

Usually I’m the kind of person that writes down a list of her new year’s resolutions and tries to stick to it as long as possible (not long enough, in case you where wondering) but for some reason by the end of 2015 I had nothing clear in mind to write down so I ended up not writing anything at all… anything… for a long time.

Looking back to this past year in which I did write a bit but not as much as I’d like, I think it might have got something to do with the huge uncertainty that laid down in front of my eyes. I got worried about many stupid things like agging (I just turned 20!) or being so close to the profesional field and not feeling prepared enough (I’m at college), trying to be fit, healthy, succesful and relaxed aaall at the same time (IMPOSSIBLE kind-of) and the constant thought that there are so many things I want to do or achieve but I’m not sure how…

Luckily, it wasn’t as catastrophic as it may sound. Actually, last year was exceptional. I got to work on many different and amazing projects, did a summer internship that paid off with good friendships, travelled to cool places -with really cool people-, discovered new passions and even learned to chill out! Which was a big deal to me because I’m (or should I say “I was”?) typically trying to control everything around me, giving an “extra” on each activity until I felt burnout or even feeling bad if I wasn’t doing something “productive” at every second of my life. Little did I know that relaxing and taking time for yourself, to enjoy or simply just to be, is far more productive on the long run because it preps you for REAL stressful times. Long story short, I realized that I was making a big show out of not-that-important stuff so instead, I started to consciously focus my energy on the most important stuff and without intention of being selfish I realized that something worth focusing on, was -me-.

So today is January 20th of 2016 and it’s freezing, my hands ache while I’m writing this since I so utterly refuse to wear gloves inside my house but I’m smiling (yes, like a lonely dork in front of a computer) because after a long period of written-silence I’m back. And I have plans to stay.

As you see, now it’s all about the meaning, the feeling I get when I write or when I listen to some music, when I talk to someone special or about someone special, when I watch a great movie or visit a new place. And one more thing about this feeling: it feels so damn good. So I’ll keep doing that that feels good to me because in the end I bet that’s what is going to keep me going, keep me smiling.

RY.jpg
Painting by: Karina Eibatova

 

 

P.S. It’s wednesday and in this blog that means Music Wednesday!

This week’s song is Ruby by an american indie pop rock band from L.A. that has been around since 2009 called Foster the people, maybe you have heard from them before 😉

And there she goes
She was sitting really nice with a head full of advice from friends
She walks around
She tries to rearrange but everything goes under her bed

And it’s countless
She’s got a jar full of change saved up for vacation
And she’s watching
She’s watching her sons growing up just like there mom
And it’s hard

But I say Ruby, Ruby, Ruby
You gotta start lifting your
Head up, Head up, Head up
And I say Ruby, Ruby, Ruby
I know it’s hard but you gotta get
Out of Bed, Out of Bed, Out of Bed
Yeah she don’t know what to do,
She’s got everything but nothing to lose

She got a call from a guy
Just seeing if she’s alright,
Yeah she’s got a face full of tears
held back by the strength of five.

And she says happiness ain’t free
Everybody fights just like me
But I’ve given up the ability to retreat.

But I say Ruby, Ruby, Ruby
You gotta start lifting your
Head up, Head up, Head up
And I say Ruby, Ruby, Ruby
I know it’s hard but you gotta get
Out of Bed, Out of Bed, Out of Bed
Yeah she don’t know what to do,
She’s got everything but nothing to lose

Yeah you’ve got time to figure it out,
I’m here so don’t be scared.
You’ve got time to figure it out,
I’m here and I am here.

(…)

I said Ruby, Ruby, Ruby

All alone
Rest your head, on my lap
When your down
All alone
Rest your head, on my lap
On my lap
Ruby Don’t Go.

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