Down the road

Maggie: I love you.

Antoine: …

Maggie: And down the road I’ve learned that there’s no way to love you more, to love you less. I love you as I have always loved you. From the first day when we met, to this day. I love you, Antoine. You always knew that, right?

 

A: I haven’t forgotten the night you visited me at the hospital… when I had that heart attack and my son called you because he thought I was about to die.

M: I would never forget that call. I felt my whole world collapse.

A: I heard him while he was calling you, I told him not to.

M: Why?

A: I’m not sure. I wasn’t sure that I was about to die so I thought there was no point on alarming you. But also, I considered dying, and I wasn’t sure I wanted you to watch me die anyway… I knew how it felt watching someone you love slowly go… and I didn’t wanted that for you.

 

M: So when your wife died…

A: So unfair.

M: True… Judy was amazing.

A: Honestly, she was indeed. Weren’t you jealous of her all this time?

M: Jealous? Not for a second, she had cancer, remember?

A: Don’t be mean, you know what kind of jealous I’m talking about. Not that you wanted her life but maybe…

M: Not. Maybe nothing, my love.

 

M: Remember when you had your first kid?

A: As if it were yesterday.

M: You were such a dork back in the days.

A: What you mean by “a dork”?

M: You know! Adorable but kind of dump haha

A: Kind of dump! What a thing to say!

M: Don’t sweat it, boy! All men are dorks when they are new parents.

A: I guess so… I must admit it’s one of the scariest yet most amusing parts of life.

M: Being a new parent… So many feelings, fears, dreams…

A: Now you are being a dork…

M: Ha! Is there any other way to be a parent?

 

M: Ugh, the divorce. Remember my divorce? I always wonder why I married him in the first place.

A: Because you had his kid.

M: Yes, right, that’s the logical answer but that wasn’t it. I had options. I could have chosen to be a single mother or abortion!

A: You couldn’t possibly, you were too proud of yourself to give anyone a chance to judge you.

M: Can’t deny it… I tried so hard to make it look like that was all I wanted: a family, a husband, a kid…

A: Though it wasn’t.

M: You were the only one who ever knew the truth.

A: That it was a mistake? That you, Maggie-the-perfect, messed up?

M: I didn’t even admit it to my mother. I regret that so much, you know?

A: Never ever told her?

M: Never-ever told anyone but you.

A: Woah… why? You know that humans do make mistakes, right Maggie?

M: Not me, you said it, Maggie-the-perfect… I couldn’t deal with it any other way. I couldn’t believe I had messed up my whole damn life in one night.

A: So you weren’t just lying to everyone… you were also lying to yourself.

M: Saying that it had been my intention to have that kid made me feel less stupid. I knew what everyone was thinking: poor stupid girl who felt in love with his professor and got pregnant. Such a cliché! Oh no, sir, I wasn’t going to be that stupid kiddo. No way. I had to do it. I had to affirm that I had everything under control, I was so decided to turn it all around… but how little I knew, ha… Anyway, even if I now regret it, I know it was the only thing that helped me go through it at that moment.

A: Lying?

M: Stop saying that I lied. I said that that was part of the plan to get me where I wanted and it actually did, by marrying Charles, a well known writer, a Chicago Tribune columnist, a professor of the Art Institute of Chicago, I got included in the top writing circles and God knows if without that green-card as a husband I would had made it to where I did.

A: You certainly would have, Maggie. Don’t fool yourself now, it’s been so long and there’s no wrong in admitting a past mistake.

 

M: And college; those million classes we had together… Ugh so painful.

A: Shut up, you still loved me then.

M: Of course I did, that’s why it was so painful

A: Well, I hated you, that’s why it was painful for me.

M: Why did you hate me?

A: You know well the answer. Or shall I say, the answer’s name…

 

A: Remember that Halloween we wore matching costumes and we strolled through the city the whole day long wearing them …

M: Don’t…

A: …Our trip to the cemetery, the “trick and treat” part, all the candy we stole from those kids and…

M: Don’t bring back that memory, Antoine, please!

A: …the party we crashed when the night came, what we did before it got us to jail for the first time! And I recall you were so afraid, and for the first time also I was the brave one, I stood up to the cop just as I did to your parents later that night.

M: …

A: Well, I guess you remember… Say something. You can’t deny it was so good.

M: Doesn’t it bother you to remember it was?

A: Bothers me? Why would it? Every time I think about it, I smile.

M: But it’s not a happiness smile, it’s a nostalgic smile, my dear.

A: What’s the difference? I smile because it was good.

M: Well, that’s why it bothers me so much. It was so good but so ephemeral. For so long it represented everything I would miss in the time to come… That was the day I felt alive for the first time, the day I knew what love was, what freedom felt like, while being behind that mask, not being me but a different self, I realized how it felt not to care about what others think, and what it meant having someone to trust, being sure that someone would have your back no matter what, not being afraid. I’ve never felt that way again, and that’s why I can’t bear to remember that day. It was one in a million; I’ve never had a day like that before, and I’ve never had a day like that after.

 

A: Have you realized that they day we broke up… was the day it all started?

M: …

A: When you called me at 3 am after that big, stupid fight… and you told me you loved me and that you just wanted to make it clear that it was because of all that love that you were choosing to let me go.

M: Wasn’t the Halloween adventure before our break up?

A: No. But you know that. I loved you more when we broke up.

M: You loved me more when you didn’t have me, what a shame, all men are the same.

A: Halloween was two months after our break up, we had started talking again a few weeks before…

M: I know… And I also remember I told you I wanted to do something for Halloween…

A: And I knew how much you loved Halloween

M: So instead of just suggesting a normal thing to do, scary-movies marathon, trick or treat night…

A: I planned the whole thing. Well, except for the cops part.

M: Oh! So you planned the party crashing and the pot and…

A: Before you accuse me of planning our first time too, I must assure you that was just a silver linning!

M: I don’t believe you.

A: I don’t need you to believe me, I’ve never had.

M: So back to the point, seems like I was right again.

A: What are you talking about?

M: About letting you go. You just said that was the day when it all started.

A: Oh no, if you hadn’t let me go everything would have happened anyway but more nicely.

M: You know it wouldn’t. We wouldn’t have passed from the high-school-sweethearts label.

A: So what you are saying is you were damn sure that by breaking my heart we could go past that label to what was about to unfold between us, a lifetime relationship.

M: Damn sure I was, you are right.

A: You’re wicked. And you are heartless… yet you called me that night saying you loved me.

M: I called you at 3 am that night because I knew you hated me at that moment but I wanted to make sure that you’ll love me down the road.

A: …

M: And now… that we’ve been down the road, darling… would you say you love me?

A: …

M: Do you, Antoine?

A: I hate… I hate to do this. But I guess I must admit you were right all this time… Yes, you were always right, Maggie. And I love you.

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MEDITATION | MEDITACIÓN

It’s important to know that there are different types of meditation that can be adapted to the person who practices. For me, every time I mentioned that I meditate everyone makes reference to mantras and immediately imagine me repeating “om” out aloud. It takes a while to explain them that my meditations are silent and only guided by someone else telling me how to control my breathing and my thoughts.
Much is said about the benefits of meditation and how difficult it can be, in my experience, after about two months of daily meditation these are some of the observations I have about it:

TIME – The shortest meditation I do is 5 minutes long and the longest is 20 minutes, anyway, 10 minutes meditations are the most practical for me because those 10 minutes are really energizing. Meditating for just five minutes will have you trying to quiet your mind for the first 3 minutes and by the time you succeed you will have very little time to enjoy that mental calm. On the other hand, if you meditate for 20 minutes, the calm and silence will be so much that will start to be confused with sleep (at least as a beginner I felt like it). It seems better to me to increase the time of meditation in parallel to the increase in your level of concentration, beginning at least with 10 minutes.

BEFORE AND AFTER – Along with the daily practices I recommend doing some pre-stretching to relax muscles and not be very tense as we sat still in the same position through our meditate. And after meditating, before ending the session, it seems important to me to give thanks to God or to the universe in general for allowing us to enjoy those moments of stillness, and take the opportunity to really connect with the planet potencializing our sense of gratitude. We can also give thanks for all we have: health, love, family, work, anything that we own, It’s a good reason for being positive and feeling full of blessings.

STOMACH – I read that it is recommended to meditate before eating and ultimately I agree because I noticed that you feel physically and mentally lighter not having a full stomach which also helps focus on your body and relax. Somehow it reduces the feeling of hunger that often makes us feel anxious or makes us eat too quickly, so after meditanting if you’re going to eat you will notice that you enjoy it more by eating slowly.

Those are some of my recommendations for beginners in meditation, about how long I recommend to meditate for starters, stretching before and giving thanks at the end of every practice, and meditating before eating. I hope you can experience the calm and energy that meditating produces. I recommend downloading the app “Calm” to try out a quiet guided meditation and if you do, please share your experience with me 🙂

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Es importante saber que existen diferentes tipos de meditación que se pueden adaptar a la persona que los practica. En mi caso, en cada ocasión que comenté que meditaba todos hicieron alusión a los mantras y me imaginaban de inmediato repitiendo en voz alta “om”. Tardaba un rato en explicar que mis meditaciones son en silencio y solo guiadas por alguien más diciéndome cómo manejar mis respiraciones y mis pensamientos.

Mucho se dice de los beneficios de la meditación o lo difícil que puede ser, en mi experiencia, después de aproximadamente dos meses de meditar a diario estas son algunas de las observaciones que tengo:

TIEMPO – La meditación más corta que hago es de 5 minutos y la más larga de 20 minutos, como sea, las meditaciones de 10 minutos son las que más practico porque considero que esos 10 minutos son suficientemente renovadores y energizantes. Al meditar por solo 5 minutos pasarás 3 de esos minutos tratando de acallar tu mente y cuando por fin lo logres te quedará muy poco tiempo para disfrutar de esa calma mental. Por otro lado, si meditas 20 minutos, la calma y el silencio serán tantos que se comenzará a confundir con sueño (al menos yo como principiante lo sentí así). Me parece más recomendable aumentar el tiempo de meditación en paralelo al aumento en tu nivel de concentración, iniciando como mínimo con 10 minutos.

ANTES Y DESPUÉS – Aunado a las prácticas diarias recomiendo hacer algunos estiramientos previos para relajar los músculos y no estar muy tensos mientras nos sentamos quietos, sin cambiar de posición al meditar. Y posterior a la meditación, antes de dar por terminada la sesión, me parece importante el dar gracias, a Dios o al universo, en general por habernos permitido disfrutar de esos minutos de quietud, y aprovechar para realmente conectarnos con el planeta potencializando nuestro sentido de gratitud. También podemos dar gracias por todo lo que tenemos: salud, amor, familia, trabajo, cualquier cosa que tengamos cuenta y es una buena razón para sentiros positivos y llenos de bendiciones.

ESTOMAGO – Leí que se recomienda meditar antes de comer y en definitiva concuerdo pues noté que te sientes más ligero en cuerpo y mente al no tener el estómago lleno, además concentrarte en tu cuerpo y relajarte, de alguna forma, reduce el sentimiento de hambre que muchas veces nos hace comer con desesperación o rapidez, así después de meditar si vas a comer notarás que lo haces con más calma y lo disfrutas más.

Esas son algunas de mis recomendaciones para principiantes en meditación, en cuanto al tiempo que recomiendo meditar, el estirar antes y dar gracias al terminar, y sobre comer o no antes de la práctica. Espero que puedan experimentar la calma y la energía que el meditar genera. Les recomiendo bajar la app “Calm” para probar una meditación guiada muy tranquila y si lo intentan, compartan su experiencia conmigo 🙂

28* Stairway to heaven

“Led Zeppelin” is one of the greatest british rock bands of all times. And today I’m thinking in someone as great at this band, better actually.

This band was formed in 1968 but the members break it off in 1980

Anyway they got to do such great music that their separation as a band wasn’t enough to erase their songs of people’s minds.

Even today, more than 30 years later, we still remember Led Zeppelin as one of the best and we still sing to the songs than influenced multitudes.

 

Once in a lifetime we met persons that resemble this band…

Persons so special than not even in a million years we will forget.

Friends, mates, relatives, that influence our lifes forever with their unique personality that is is a gift of magic that will remain permanently.

And as it happened whit this band’s songs, the memories we create with those special persons are something to cherish and to rejoice in, accepting that even though there’s no easy way out of the pain of saying goodbye, we have to find strenght to smile again in name of the good moments. To celebrate the good fortune of having had the pleasure of meeting singular people who we will always love and remember.

Today’s song was perfect since the first time they record it and its only objective was to communicate a feeling, the band didn’t care about gaining fans or recognition so even though this song soon became famous they decided that nothing about it would be alter so it was never edited as a single, reason why it is almost 10 minutes long

Good music isn’t about the time it lasts but the statement it makes

It was composed by the great artist: Jimmy Page, who’s guitar makes a legendary solo and a memorable introduction along with the important flute tune and the piano notes. You can listen to it in this concert video where you’ll notice how its rhythm makes the song so enjoyable that you don’t even notice its lenght, and as a matter of fact it leaves you wanting more because it just keeps getting better as it gives unexpected turns in the music.

The lyrics of this song reminds us again about those ~one in a million~ persons who shine so bright that they are able to light up everybody else’s lives even without trying. For those kinds of people everything is possible and even when the future is uncertain we know they’ll reach a better place perhaps somewhere far away of us but where someday we’ll meet again. There doubt and sorrow will be forget. Meanwhile we must keep calm, look forward knowing that pain is temporary and thinking about how to make our path straight while finding resignation and trusting in God’s will. Because we all know people like that, amazing in their own way, who teach us how to fight, how to smile and how to keep going even at the hardest points of life. At the end we are all one, they will never leave us alone and ~shouting loud and clear~ we will always be with them at heart.

…And the sensible lyrics :

There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold
And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven.
There’s a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
‘Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.Ooh, it makes me wonder…There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it’s whispered that soon, if we all call the tune,
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now,
It’s just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won’t go, in case you don’t know,
The piper’s calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
who shines white light and wants to show
how everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she’s buying a stairway to heaven.